OK. Now get up. I was going to continue to sleep, but because of your influence, so strong, I was afraid I’ll never wake up. So, you better wake up before I sleep forever. You [are] going? Tomorrow morning? (Yes.) And the one I gave the (vegan) candy to has already gone? No. Did you take (vegan) candy already? This afternoon? Or you sit here and want some more (vegan) candies? Took care already? Afternoon. No? Some are not, don’t worry. We’ll have it later.
I just have some news for you. Maybe the local people could come back on the weekends if you want. Weekend. Originally, we said until the end of the month, next month – no, middle of next month. But I think we don’t need, because I worry we cannot use this area. But I have found some other way to do something. So, it’s OK if you want to come back on the weekends. And if you really want to see me, maybe you call first. Or you could come back for group meditation. Alright? If you’re nearby, if it’s convenient for you. If it’s too far, no, I don’t know, maybe you should not; if it’s too far, it’s too inconvenient. But, weekend. Any weekend you want to come, it’s OK. No limit. Maybe I’m still here or maybe I’ll come back. But if you really specifically want to see me, and want to make sure, you better make sure. You better make sure. But otherwise, I will fix something here. Next time you come back, it may be more comfortable.
So you guys are going? Do you want to ask me any more questions? Or you’re all clear, all enlightened? Yeah? All Buddhas. Already? More female Buddhas than male Buddhas. What’s the problem? Males are a little difficult, huh? I don’t know what they want from the world, but they hang on in the world. Your husband’s not here? (He’s over there.) Where is he? He’s hiding (There.) somewhere. Hiding? There, Master. That’s him. Yes.) Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw him yesterday. How come he…? You lost some weight, huh? You lost weight, or you became black and skinny? (Yes, it is a tan.) Tan. Oh, that’s why. When your skin is a little darker, you look skinnier. Everyone. And you don’t have a tan? Little bit. (Right.) He tans faster, right? (Yes.) Eats everything fast, “eats” the sun also fast. And you’re going tomorrow already? Have a nice trip, you guys. (Yes.) Thanks for coming. I know at your home it’s more comfortable. And so you came here because you love me, and I appreciate that very much. So you can go back and enjoy your home better now. “Oof. It’s nice to see Master, but... it’s nice to be home. Thank GOD, I’m home.”
No questions? No? Really? It’s not true. Yesterday I kept asking, “Any questions?” “No, no, no.” And when I went over there, they took the opportunity to ask lousy questions. And then ruined the laughter that we had. Today I’m not kidding anymore. You ask here or not at all. No, no question, huh? It’s cool, it’s good, good. You like some more (vegan) candy, right? Some did not have. Here’s your stuff. Somebody gave it to me. Oh! You want to hear some jokes? (Yes!) Checked. Someone gave me some joke collection. I didn’t have time to read, but… I read some of it. I read some and marked them. Because some jokes are lousy, don’t want to talk about them. Some jokes we already told. Many jokes, I already told them, so… I told the residents. The residents have more chances to hear jokes, because… You only come certain times. So I have to arrange time to see you, but the residents, whenever I come, they always have time. Time is all they have. So I told them a lot of jokes. So if you want to listen to them without repetition, you get the tapes where I told the residents. But there’re some here.
There’s a bad joke here, but it’s OK. There was a man who went to see the doctor and said, “Doctor, I cannot poo.” Excuse me. “When I go to the toilet, I cannot poo.” The doctor said, “Oh, I will give you a prescription of some pills, take that every four hours, and then the problem will be taken care of. If [for] any reason at all the trouble persists, come back to see me in a week’s time.” So, the following week, the man came back and said to the doctor, “Doctor, I still can’t poo.” So the doctor said, “OK, I’ll give you some more pills, stronger. Maybe you need stronger pills.” Alright. “Take these every two hours and then come back to see me if the problem persists.” Next week, the man came back again, “Doctor, I still can’t.” So the doctor said, “My God, really, you took the pills that I gave you?” The patient said, “Yeah, yeah.” The doctor said, “My God, they’re the strongest pill already. OK, sit down. Maybe, you have a strange problem here. Tell me all the information I need to know about you. To begin with, what is your occupation?” The man said, “I’m a musician.” And the doctor said, “Ah, haha! Oh, my God, you should have told me this in the beginning. Then we didn’t have all these problems. OK. Here, take some money; go home and buy some food.”
Understand? Nothing comes in, nothing can come out. So, same with us. If we don’t meditate, nothing good can come out of us. If we don’t take the good things in, how can anything good come out of us? So the way we behave and what we are doing, really bespeaks of what’s inside of us. Although sometimes the bodily action has nothing to do with the soul. But mostly whatever is going on inside your mind, it comes out in the body. So take care of what you do, because it’s like a mirror, like a television. Everybody can watch everything going on inside, when it’s outside. Through your action outside.
I think… [There are] many jokes, I forgot which one. Oh. There was an art exhibition. And the artist who painted the pictures, who had the exhibition there, asked the owner of the gallery whether anyone has been interested in his paintings. So the owner said, “I have good news and bad news for you. The good news is that there was a gentleman who was interested in your paintings. And then he asked me whether your artwork, your paintings, will increase in value after you’re dead.” Just like many other artists. So… “And after, I said, ‘Yes, of course, they would, because you have potential and your paintings, of course, will increase in value after your death.’ So he bought 15 of them, altogether, and that’s the good news.” And the artist asked, “A-a-a-a-and what about the bad news?” And the owner of the gallery said, “The guy who bought your 15 paintings is your doctor.”
There were two fellows talking together, I guess, in prison. He said, “You know what? My grandfather, he knew the exact day of the year that he was going to die. It was the right year too. Not only that, but he knew what time he would die that day. And he was right about that, too.” So the second guy said, “Wow, that is really magical. How did he know all of that?” So the first guy said, “A judge told him.”
Wow. This is just like your Master. Or if you don’t practice the Quan Yin Method, there’s another method that you’d know the exact day of your death. It’s this one. And the judge can even tell you what day, what year, what month, or what hour you die even. Wow, he sounds like a master himself.
There was a teacher who asked a primary school kid, “John, why can’t you ever spell a word correctly? Why is it so difficult for you to spell?” And the pupil said, “Because you keep changing words every day.”
It’s just like we always complain to Master, “How come? How come I keep practicing and it’s always some problem?” Yeah. We always have new problems because our life is not ending and every day is new.
Photo Caption: “Why Compare? Each One Has Different Flair”
